The Charmed Egg
by Cranky Crocus
Summary: Umbridge-centric with hints of McHooch. Mature reading involving toys of the non-child variety. If you miss the meaning, look up what creates a basilisk and you'll see what our daring professors are symbolizing.


"Oh oh," the pink-clad woman cooed as she entered the room. Kitten tails swayed at her entrance from plates hung on the walls. Meows and purring soon commenced.

"My darling dears," she greeted in a saccharine voice with a light sway to her hips. Still, she frowned down at her bright pink heels. "These heels are murdering my poor, tender feet."

Umbridge made her way to her desk chair and bent slowly into it. When her bottom touched the cushion, she shifted her rear down into the comfortable pink-padded chair. A soft sigh emanated from her prettily pink-painted lips as she slipped the tight heels from her chubby feet.

When she reached down to massage her aching joints, her shoulder knocked a strange looking egg from the desk top.

"Oh oh?" she repeated, her voice jumping in pitch in a soothingly feminine manner. She reached below the desk, where it had rolled, and plucked it up.

When she dusted it off it began to vibrate and hum an entrancing tune. She gave it a coy, girlish smile and held it in her fleshy palm.

"What might you be?" the ministry official questioned into the empty air. She prodded it gently with her ringed index finger only to witness it purr and shake. "Oh, you're darling…"

Her eyes sparkled menacingly as she pulled her wand from her robes. "Now just a few test spells…"

Before the spells could escape her wand the egg leapt to the material of her skirt. She jumped in alarm as it rolled down the slope of her lap and slipped within the confines of her loose clothing.

"Now--," she began before her eyes grew large, "now!"

Her second word came out as a delicate gasp. This appeared to be a very…_in_delicate toy.

The woman fell back in her chair as she felt the presence of small, flimsy tentacles. She clutched the arms of her chair with white-knuckled fingers. The room was quite suddenly extraordinarily hot.

"Oh oh!" Umbridge cried out as her curly brown-haired head dropped back. The words became a mantra of sorts as the egg poked, prodded, and caressed her core. She imagined how long it had been since the last time and then cried out once more.

Her cheeks grew flushed as she removed herself from her outer robes.

When the moment came, she screamed. The cats exited their frames momentarily, disturbed by their mistress' momentary lapse from refined fatal femininity.

"An egg…" she murmured when she had a decent amount of breath gathered. "How extraordinary…"

She swiped delicately at her sticky brow and reached for her handkerchief. After a light patting of her heated face, she reached below the folds of her skirts. She giggled as the egg danced in her fingertips.

"Oh oh," she scolded it as she placed it before her on the desktop upon her white-laced pink handkerchief. It sat squarely on the face of a little embroidered kitten. "And now for the tests…"

She reached for her wand, which had dropped to the floor during her period of activity, and brought it up to the egg. With a whisper and three swift taps of her wand she watched the previously pink egg transform.

"My my, how peculiar," she observed. She held the egg once more in her fingertips after determining that the object was safe and satisfactory.

Between her pink fingernails she held a chicken egg. An enchanted chicken egg, it appeared. She turned it around in her fingers. When she touched its end it began to glow.

Umbridge gasped when the light receded. The shell was translucent. Inside the egg was a miniature snake that, if spotted in its proper form, would be enormous.

The woman shrieked and dropped the egg, which shattered as it hit the stone floor. She reached down and bit her lip as she picked up a small toy snake. It was indeed a little replica of the dreaded basilisk.

She sneered lightly. Her voice was tight but acerbically amused. "What is this, some statement that Fudge is denying something 'real' the same way the school did hundreds of years ago?"

Above her head, in one of the delicate Chinese plates, one feline remained. The tabby cat had an entertained look to her eyes, which sat above markings that shared striking semblance with square spectacles.

_No no, my dear,_ the feline thought as it turned tail and left the room through the painted doorway. _I am remarking upon things far closer to home._

The woman forfeited a small smile as she was assisted from the hallway painting by a striking hawk-eyed woman. Teachers could make marvelous mischief when they so desired, as well.


End file.
